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Angst and Anxiety - fanfic
Dec. 19th, 2009 01:45 pmSaturday
Dear Diary:
I woke up this morning to find the world covered in snow. It was so white and beautiful, it nearly made me cry. Everything looked clean and innocent - something I think I'll never feel again. I went and saw a doctor at the Company on Friday. I told her some story about how the girls in gym class were talking about how if you wear tampons all the time you're not a virgin any more. Ironically, I have overheard this conversation before, but it's not why I went. She told me it was ridiculous, but I asked her to check me anyway. After the exam she gave me a look like she didn't believe my story, but told me I'm still intact. I was so relieved, I can't even tell you. But she must have been able to tell something had happened. I ran out of there before she could ask questions I wasn't ready to answer.
It's been two days since I killed Jacob. Jeremy's barely left my side, and I grateful for that. We went to school yesterday just in case it would look suspicious if we didn't. Rumors have started to circulate that Jacob is missing. They say he was last seen at school on Thursday. I've kept my mouth shut and head down for fear of the truth escaping me before I can stop myself. Last night I dreamed I was in my own bed sleeping, and I could hear Jacob's heart beating underneath me. I've been reading too much Edgar Allen Poe, obviously. Jeremy woke me from the dream, and held me until I fell back to sleep. I don't deserve him, diary. I fear the day he realizes it.
There's been no word from Luke. Today Jeremy and I went to Jack's penthouse to look for him. Not only was he not there, but the place was trashed. Not ransacked, more... melted. The shower especially was a mess, and all the clothes in the spare room were gone. I've lost track of how many times I've called and texted him. Who knows if he even has his phone with him. I don't understand why he felt he could tell me all those things the day he left, but not tell me where he was going. I shouldn't have let him leave. I'm so scared, not just for him, but for what he might be doing. Without me and Jeremy there to stop him, will he hurt someone?
Well, it looks like dinner is ready, so I better go. I'm putting on the brave face for Jeremy, but I don't feel it. I seem to go back and forth between being cold and numb, to feeling like I'm going to completely fall apart. I guess I should see Dr. Abbott. I'm going to need more of these sleeping pills anyway.
<3 Kitty
Dear Diary:
I woke up this morning to find the world covered in snow. It was so white and beautiful, it nearly made me cry. Everything looked clean and innocent - something I think I'll never feel again. I went and saw a doctor at the Company on Friday. I told her some story about how the girls in gym class were talking about how if you wear tampons all the time you're not a virgin any more. Ironically, I have overheard this conversation before, but it's not why I went. She told me it was ridiculous, but I asked her to check me anyway. After the exam she gave me a look like she didn't believe my story, but told me I'm still intact. I was so relieved, I can't even tell you. But she must have been able to tell something had happened. I ran out of there before she could ask questions I wasn't ready to answer.
It's been two days since I killed Jacob. Jeremy's barely left my side, and I grateful for that. We went to school yesterday just in case it would look suspicious if we didn't. Rumors have started to circulate that Jacob is missing. They say he was last seen at school on Thursday. I've kept my mouth shut and head down for fear of the truth escaping me before I can stop myself. Last night I dreamed I was in my own bed sleeping, and I could hear Jacob's heart beating underneath me. I've been reading too much Edgar Allen Poe, obviously. Jeremy woke me from the dream, and held me until I fell back to sleep. I don't deserve him, diary. I fear the day he realizes it.
There's been no word from Luke. Today Jeremy and I went to Jack's penthouse to look for him. Not only was he not there, but the place was trashed. Not ransacked, more... melted. The shower especially was a mess, and all the clothes in the spare room were gone. I've lost track of how many times I've called and texted him. Who knows if he even has his phone with him. I don't understand why he felt he could tell me all those things the day he left, but not tell me where he was going. I shouldn't have let him leave. I'm so scared, not just for him, but for what he might be doing. Without me and Jeremy there to stop him, will he hurt someone?
Well, it looks like dinner is ready, so I better go. I'm putting on the brave face for Jeremy, but I don't feel it. I seem to go back and forth between being cold and numb, to feeling like I'm going to completely fall apart. I guess I should see Dr. Abbott. I'm going to need more of these sleeping pills anyway.
<3 Kitty
