phasing_cat | OOC Rant - RP is not a competition (Reply)

I don't do this very often. In fact, I don't know if I've done it at all. But I feel the need to unload a bit, and as this is technically a blog site, here she goes.

For those of you unfamiliar with twitter, friday is considered "follow friday". You tweet the hashtag #followfriday or #ff and people you think your followers should follow, sometimes with a reason why, sometimes not. I have a standard set of follow fridays I have saved in word, that I copy and paste into twitter every Friday to (1) save time, and (2) make sure I don't forget anyone. Because the first thing I learned with follow friday is that if you forget to mention someone, they'll assume you did it on purpose. Well, no. I have fucking Lyme disease that is eating my brain and central nervous system. I really do just forget things sometimes.

This morning I opened up my word file, and decided that some people deserved a special follow friday. I'm not going anonymous here... I did a special one for Sylar and Peter, who recently decided to kill off their characters (and thus stop playing with me on a daily basis), and for Angel and Einar, who decided to follow suit with Sylar and Peter and stop playing as those characters. I think they're working on new ones and making a new 'verse, I don't know the details but I hope it's true because I miss playing with them.

Later, a different Peter who I had done a generic follow friday for asked me to do a specific one, which I hurriedly wrote and posted. That was a big mistake. I declared Peter #2 superior to the other zillions of Peters in the twitter world, more or less. This offended Peter #1 mentioned in the previous paragraph, which was not my intention at all. Peter #1 then unfollowed me from all of his mun's accounts. I managed to talk to Peter-mun on AIM. After explaining my mental limitations, and some explaining by Peter #1 about behind the scenes things I had no clue about, all is worked out. This post is not intended as a criticism of anyone, but the situation has reminded me of feelings I've experienced over the past year and a half that I've been role playing, and have never expressed outwardly. Peter #2, I understand why you did what you did, and I'm glad that we've worked things out. I know it's difficult for me to keep emotions in check sometimes, so I can understand anyone else having the same problem. I miss playing with you, and I hope we get a new 'verse set up soon.

But I'd still like to say this to anyone and everyone who reads this - RP is not a competition. It's a game. It's for fun, and enjoyment, and storytelling. The goal should not be to be "the best". There is no such thing - everyone plays this game differently. That's one of the best things about it. Some play for crack. Some play to tell serious stories.  Some do both (like me).

I'd also like to ask that I not be lumped in with all the other catty bitches running around here. Unlike the majority of them, I'm an adult. I'm 32 fucking years old, and I act it (99% of the time). If I have a problem with someone, I talk to them about it. I express my feelings in a healthy way, even if you don't want to hear those feelings. I do not talk about people behind their backs, I do not post tweets or messages with the express intent of hurting someone's feelings, and I do not belong to any "team" or "camp". I am me. I play my characters. My characters talk to people who talk back to them. If you can't handle that level of maturity, then don't talk to me, because I will not deal with the bullshit.

This disease is crippling me. I don't talk about it much, because I don't want pity or sympathy.  But the truth is it makes it hard to think a lot of the time. It is a daily struggle to get out of bed. Your RP drama is not the most important thing in my life. Just trying to survive, and beat this thing, is the priority here. Right now all I want and need from RP is for it to make me smile, make me laugh, and make me forget about how just fucking awful I feel most of the time. So please try to remember that before you overreact to something I've said or done. I'm not saying not to hold me responsible for my actions, because that's not possible. Just take my actions with a caveat of "she may not have thought this through, so take it with a grain of salt."