(Immediately after
this)
I stumble down the stairs, my knees weak and my legs shaky. I make it inside my apartment and slam the door, locking it, before tossing my backpack on the couch and collapsing on the floor.
What did I just do? I let him... them... do that to me. I let them. And I liked it.I'm shivering, the air causing the sweaty clothes still clinging to me to feel like they're made of ice. I stand up shakily and move towards the bedroom, shedding my shoes, shirt and skirt as I go. With a bitter chuckle I realize this was the outfit I'd chosen specifically in the hopes Jeremy would see me in it. I should have been careful what I wished for. I leave the lights off, only turning on the one in the bathroom.
I turn on the hot water in the shower and check myself in the bathroom mirror, staring at my arm for what feels like an eternity, still surprised to see it completely unblemished. I used to be a nice, normal girl. Beofre Luke and Jeremy came along I had a normal life - as normal as someone like me can have. I went to school, I had friends, I did well in my classes. The most exciting thing to ever happen to me was a cute boy looking in my direction.
Now I'm just a whore. Not exactly, but I might as well be. I let him use me like some sort of toy.Steam clouds the mirror, snapping me out of my reverie. I slip off my bra and panties and step into the shower, crying out as the hot water stings my skin. I reach over and turn it down before grabbing the bar of soap. I've never felt so dirty despite there not being a speck of dirt on me. I start with my arm, scrubbing until the skin turns red and raw, then move to my neck. Where his lips touched me. I can still feel them, feel his breath, feel his excitement pressing against my leg. I fight to ignore the ache between my legs that only gets stronger when I remember how it felt. The pleasure and the pain, mingled together. The way my nerves had crackled and tingled with joy while my skin cracked and burned.
I liked it. Hell,I loved it. It felt good, better than anything I've ever felt before. God help me, I wanted more.My legs give out underneath me and I sit in the shower, the water beating down on my head as I sob. I cry so hard I can't breathe, my knees pulled to my chest. I cry until the water runs cold and my eyes have no more tears to shed. I turn off the water, stepping out of the shower and wrapping myself in a towel. I'm still cold, somehow I think I'll never be warm again. I turn off the light and walk across the bedroom in the dark, not caring if I walk into anything. I wish I could not care about anything at all. I dress in my flannel pajamas, wrap the towel around my wet hair and climb into bed, pulling the covers up to my neck.
The ache has become a throbbing, and I give in to it, reaching a hand down into my panties. I move quickly, wanting it and wanting it to be over at the same time. I feel the release I need arrive within a few short minutes, and as I curl up to fall asleep a few more tears escape the corners of my eyes.
What have I become?